There are many ills in our society that can point to the pitiful state of mankind.  However, I feel that there is one example that embodies all the evils that our species has produced.  The bathrooms at Xavier High School.  Even with a decent amount of creative energy, I’m strained to picture what the bathrooms at Xavier might have looked like in a clean, unadulterated state.  But, alas, as with everything of any value whatsoever, there is always a snot-nosed teenaged boy to ruin it.

I’ve witnessed a variety of matter sitting upon the porcelain throne which prohibits my doing so.  Urine and fecal matter are by far the most prevalent.  After spending many hours pondering why anyone would urinate on the toilet seat, I believe I’ve reached a solid thesis.  It would not be unreasonable to postulate that this behavior stems from instinct.  Just like a wild beast marks his territory, so does the Xaverian student.  It proves that no matter how much training you give to animals, instinct always wins.

Over the course of my time at Xavier I’ve attempted to define the characteristics of the people who commit the atrocity.  I have no doubt that if humanity found the specific mental characteristics of such people and kept an eye open for warning signs, the ill could be sorted out and treated.  Unfortunately, I’ve only learned a small handful of possible characteristics.  If anyone would like the list or has any observations of their own, please email me.  However, since I will be graduating soon, I hope to find an underclassman that could continue my research.  An announcement shall be made shortly for anyone interested.