Many freshmen have complained about having First Lunch. A few reasons include: the fact that one is not hungry when it happens; the fact that their lunch is often not enjoyable; the fact that there is a long period of time between First Lunch and the end of the day; and the fact that one often feels hungry by sixth period causing them to be less focused.

To solve this problem I propose a simple solution. Instead of going to First Lunch, freshman should go to their 8^th period class and better themselves by spending additional time on our education. Yes you heard me, an 8^th period class. You may be wondering how one could make this possible. I’ll explain to you simply. It may be against school policy, but we found a small loophole around those pesky rules.

First, you start by replacing the rosters on teachers’ desks with your own rosters that include your name (to be undetected you will have to do it at night, necessitating that you bribe the custodians through security with food from the cafeteria).

When you first arrive to the class, if the teacher asks why they haven’t seen you before, tell them that there was a scheduling issue. This new roster will also have to be slipped into the records at Guidance. To do that I propose you use a proxy server to hack in the new roster. If you are not a web-wizard and up to the task, you will have to have someone do it for you. I suggest you recruit one of the lead programmers for the Robotics Team. And what should you bribe him with you ask? Your lunch spot so he can benefit from two lunches.

During this process, if you happen to get caught, I have the perfect explanation for your chicanery: You say at our last assembly Bishop Cote told us to do the best thing we can to further our education. What is better to further our education than adding another class? Thank you Bishop Cote.

Now what will be the positives of this? Well the grumbling of student’s stomachs will keep them awake and focused. Opportunities for a higher GPA will increase as you collect another letter grade for the term. As a result, the overall learning experience will improve for freshmen.  The administrators can’t complain about this because we will be learning more throughout the day. It’s the perfect plan. I leave the process of making this a reality to you.