XNN

Post-Truth Epidemic Grips Nation

Post-Truth Epidemic Grips Nation

By Alexander Pralea, Editor

February 13, 2019


Filed under Onion X, Opinions, uncategorized

According to researchers at the CDC, the apocalypse that thousands of doomsday activists have foretold has finally materialized. The Post-Truth Epidemic is finally here, distorting all notions of normalcy and destroying the thread of American society. The plague first manifested itself in its current...

How to Get Your Aspiring Five-Year-Old into Harvard:

How to Get Your Aspiring Five-Year-Old into Harvard:

By Alexander Pralea, Editor

January 21, 2019


Filed under Onion X

Though people may say that you should let your child into the college decision-making process, only you, the parent, can have a say in his or her future. As you plan every second of the life of your child (in whom you live vicariously) from his or her birth, please keep these tips in mind as you ensure...

Idiopathic Schoolitis – The Truth Behind the Silent Killer

Idiopathic Schoolitis – The Truth Behind the Silent Killer

By Alexander Pralea, Editor

December 18, 2018


Filed under Onion X, uncategorized

 As midterm exams begin to stress out the students of American high schools, some have begun to take steps to campaign for enhanced recognition of idiopathic schoolitis. I spoke with a lead campaigner (who will remain anonymous to protect his identity following a recent spar with leading teacher...

A Mystery in the World of Television

By Alexander Pralea, Editor

October 4, 2018


Filed under Onion X, uncategorized

Turn on your TV. Flip through the channels, making sure you get to Hallmark, ABC, and Disney Channel. By then, hopefully, you will have picked up on a freaky pattern: all the teenage girls are wearing sweatshirts and short shirts. To get to the bottom of this, I spoke with the renowned (and quirky) anthropologist...

Mr. Kieda: Xavier’s Secret Fortnite Legend

Mr. Kieda: Xavier’s Secret Fortnite Legend

By Kevin Galasso, Editor

March 27, 2018


Filed under Onion X

Now unless you have been living under a rock for the past couple of months, you have probably heard of the game Fortnite. The game has been blowing up in popularity thanks to its easy accessibility and collection of hype and rage moments. It has also blown up at Xavier. Everywhere you walk, you hear...

Understanding Football as Someone Uninterested in Football

By Alex Pralea, Editor

February 27, 2018


Filed under Onion X, uncategorized

Every year, as I heard Xavier's headmaster broadcast the exciting news that the school has reached the ad drive requirement, dread overcomes me. While many suspect this occurs out of a love of attending school, I can assure you that this is not the case. Rather, I dread the announcement because I know that my colleagues will vote to choose the Monday following the S...

Why Students Must Attend College to Access their Spiritual Side

Why Students Must Attend College to Access their Spiritual Side

By Alexander Pralea, Editor

November 30, 2017


Filed under Onion X, Student Life, uncategorized

To people who swear that school lacks any importance, I am here to convince you to go to further your education. As a successful pool technician, I have realized that I have attained my success only because of having gone to college. Of all the many things I have learned at college, from my talents t...

Brothers In Turmoil as Railroad Club Takes over Basement Swimming Pool

Brothers In Turmoil as Railroad Club Takes over Basement Swimming Pool

By Laurenz Mosquito, Senior Reporter

November 7, 2017


Filed under Onion X

Railroad club, headed by Freshman Civics teacher Brother Thomas Ryan, C.F.X., unexpectedly announced last Tuesday the acquisition of Xavier’s basement swimming pool, which had previously belonged to the school's brothers. As part of the acquisition, Brother Ryan announced that only members of the railroad...

How the Paleolithic Diet Can Change Your Life Forever

By Alexander Pralea, Editor

October 30, 2017


Filed under Onion X, uncategorized

           As the school year progresses, students feel pressured to indulge themselves in the unhealthy cafeteria food rampant with grease and fat. This pressure evinces itself in the evidence. Eating foods high in calories and low in nutrition, many Xavier students have ballooned in size durin...

How Eliminating Education Would Change Xavier for the Better

By Alexander Pralea, Reporter

March 30, 2017


Filed under Onion X, uncategorized

Of all the tenets of Xavier High School, its fascination and firm commitment to education and enlightenment are most absurd. At Xavier, the teachers are supposed to teach and shine a new light on a topic, to invest energy to change the attitude of a student, thereby instilling Xaverian values. Xavier...

The Water Fountain Problem

By Tyler Mathiasen, Assistant Reporter

March 2, 2017


Filed under Campus Features, Onion X, Student Life

  It is 6th period, the classes are switching, and you are thirsty. You sprint to the nearest water fountain, hoping you won’t be late to class. Finally, you make it to the fountain, only to find the water is warm. This scenario happens daily in the halls of Xavier High School. Why does a per...

What Sports Are Actually Good For?

By Matt Zablocki, Reporter

February 14, 2017


Filed under Onion X, Opinions, Sports

Coming  up  in  only  a  few  days  is  one  of  the  biggest  sports  days  on  the  American  calendar,  which  millions  of  people  throughout  the  country  will  celebrate  with  cook-offs,  parties,  and,  of  course  watching  the  Superbowl  on  TV.  Now,  since  I...

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