A Few Thoughts on JUG

JUG is not living up to what it used to be. In this article we ask, “Why?” – and propose a few simple solutions.



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By Patrick Manning, Doctor of Studies in Not-Being-a-Doctor

Justice. Under. God.


Little pink slips that represent justice in our ruthless world.

Some of us live in fear of JUG.  Some of us live despite JUG.  All of us, though, realize that there is room for improvement in this ancient tradition.  Sure, JUG currently acts as an immediate punishment for our behavior, but Xavier’s award-winning detention system has far more potential than just this.

The brainchild of Xavierus Falconus Jug III, JUG was a program first used to speed up the construction of Xavier’s pool.  Rebellious students were given “JUG Slips” from Mr. Jug that they would exchange for a shovel and hardhat at the school store.  Once properly equipped, these students would venture off into the basement where most were not never heard from again.  As child labor laws became stricter and insurance companies less willing to take on the risk of teenagers using power tools in dimly lit underground spaces, JUG changed.

It was decided that if JUG consisted of sitting in silence and doing nothing it would be better for students in the long run.  This decision was accompanied by controversy and public outcry as students claimed this new form of JUG would be too boring and many complained that pool construction had grinded to a halt.  This is where JUG has remained for the past 45 years: in this unexciting, neglected state.  However, there is still hope.

If teachers, administration, and faculty just considered (and maybe even implemented) one or two of the following possible improvements, we could make JUG a place everyone wants to be.


Undeniably, JUG needs better snacks.  Food is one of life’s cornerstones, and it is shocking to see a system that supposedly helps young men reach their potential completely neglect something this important.  With Lino’s Café now playing a major part in the Xavier community, it is perfect timing for the complimentary JUG meal/snack and drink.  How can we be expected to properly reflect on our actions without a delicious tray of penne alla vodka and a Coca Cola?


JUG without naptime is a waste of time.  I highly encourage the student body and class elected officials to create a petition demanding naptime in JUG.  I understand why teachers are apprehensive about letting students sleep in detention, but what better way to learn than from your dreams?

Better Entertainment Options

Is JUG too boring?  Not if Netflix keeps offering Xavier a one-month free trial.  It is important that we consider students who may not be able to sleep in JUG, and as a school that promotes excellence, it is only reasonable that we have the best of the best when it comes to in-school entertainment.

Statistics that exist show that every day, JUG is growing more ruthless.  Without necessities as basic as snacks and naptime, JUG cannot possibly be an effective means of influence for the generations to come.  So, I ask you this: what can we do today for a better JUG tomorrow?