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A Few Thoughts on JUG

By Patrick Manning, Doctor of Studies in Not-Being-a-Doctor November 1, 2022
Xavier’s award-winning detention system has far more potential than what it is now.
The Illegal Turtle Races Here at Xavier High School

The Illegal Turtle Races Here at Xavier High School

By Aidan Pesce, Assistant Editor March 1, 2022

It has recently come to light that Xavier High School in Middletown, CT, is under investigation for underhanded activities and dealings. Several members of the faculty have been taken in for questioning,...

The CDC on the Senior Slide

The CDC on the Senior Slide

By Aidan Pesce, Assistant Editor January 19, 2022

The Senior Slide, formally known as Senioritis Slideus, is a mental disease that affects seniors all around the world. Originating in the 1970s, the Slide was first discovered in a New York high school....

Why Virtual School Is Undeniably Better Than in-person School

Why Virtual School Is Undeniably Better Than in-person School

By Liam Sheeley, Assistant Reporter March 31, 2021
I am here to end the debate once and for all, and declare that virtual school is simply better than in-person school
How the Kestrel Fits into Mr. St. George's Plan for Total World Domination

How the Kestrel Fits into Mr. St. George’s Plan for Total World Domination

By Aidan Pesce, Assistant Reporter February 22, 2021

You may have never suspected it, but the truth has always been there, hiding deep below the surface. They say some secrets are best left uncovered, but I disagree, especially when it concerns our school....

The Real Reason Xavier High School Closed

The Real Reason Xavier High School Closed

By Aidan Pesce, Assistant Reporter December 10, 2020

Despite what everyone thinks, the global pandemic was not the real reason the school shut down. For all of you returning Xavier students, there was a certain incident last year that occurred during the...

Presidential Wipeout Adventure Course

Presidential Wipeout Adventure Course

By Wyatt McElroy, Assistant Reporter October 26, 2020

Immediately following the second Presidential debate, Donald Trump took to Twitter to challenge Democratic candidate Joe Biden to a ‘Wipeout Adventure Course’ challenge to prove he is the more physically...

How to Effectively Ruin A Student's Life: A Comprehensive Guide for Teachers

How to Effectively Ruin A Student’s Life: A Comprehensive Guide for Teachers

By Aidan Pesce, Assistant Reporter October 22, 2020

Hello! My name is Aidan, and I am a junior here at Xavier High School. I figured that as an upperclassman, I should probably do my job and share some advice, so I will. However, there's a twist: I am here...

Xavier: A Terrible Place Where Success is Redefined

Xavier: A Terrible Place Where Success is Redefined

By Alex Ratti, Contributing Writer October 30, 2014

High school is intended to be an students to relax by letting them fall asleep and take in the experience of being a part of a fine establishment. It is also meant for telling students that failing multiple...

The Greatest Game Never Played

The Greatest Game Never Played

By Tim Brough, Editor October 7, 2014
"To be an intramural grasspicker is to be a real man, and that's all there is to it"
Sock-less Slides, Lava Rivers, Google Searches, and Getting to Class On Time?

Sock-less Slides, Lava Rivers, Google Searches, and Getting to Class On Time?

By Tim Brough, Editor September 25, 2014

As the bell rang to herald in 7th period, I came to the realization that I faced a daunting task, a feat of herculean strength. A challenge, my friends, of epic proportions. Every “E” day between 6th...

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