Xavier Parkas: What to do in Trying Times of Temperature Crises

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By Samuel Matt, Assistant Reporter

The days of frigidity are in full force, and this means many things: Christmas, New Year’s, presents, (all of which already happened) and Valentine’s Day. However, there is one slight detail pertaining to school life that could be considered by some as negative. I’m sure everyone has become conscious of the worldwide pandemic that has permeated every aspect of our lives for over a year now, and in addition to the countless millions of precautions everyone must take, especially about school, the windows in every classroom must remain open. Students may be grumbling, even becoming anxious at the thought of sitting through 90-minute classes with their backs to nothing but the cold, hard winter winds.

I understand that it may be too late to permanently remedy this solution, seeing as we are experiencing the full onset of icy winds at the moment. There seems to be little hope that this absolutely horrible problem could be remedied, barring one groundbreaking idea: supplying all of Xavier with Nike brand Xavier parkas. I have calculated the price of these coats for all 661 Xavier students, and at the very low price of $132,200 ($200 for each article), these parkas would keep the cold out during the tough winter months, leaving students focused on their studies and not worrying about constant teeth-chattering and goosebumps. Furthermore, the parkas I have identified include large pockets embossed on the front, creating a space where students can store pens, pencils, calculators, and even snacks, if approved by the dean of students. I think the majority of Xavier students can agree on the statement that Nike brand parkas would greatly reduce the stress of being constantly exposed to the chilly winter air.

As a final note, I would like to mention that I greatly recommend that our very own Mr. Cerreta take this idea into account. I encourage any Xavier student reading this article/proposition to suggest the approval of Xavier parkas, all at a gross sum of $132,200 (plus tax), to him. If enough students back it, we could start fundraisers or other money-making events at the discretion of the SAC or other school authorities.