Today marks the 52nd birthday of the Xaverian Übermensch. Few know that they have seized control of many aspects of scholastic life here at Xavier, using the motto, “intellectualism and a certain je ne sais que”. Most students are unaware of their ascendency, one student responding to my questioning of the Übermensch’s ascendency with a, “What?” Luckily, another student replied with, ” I think they’re doing a good job doing what they’re doing, and should continue doing the good job that they’re doing.” A teacher responded with ” I have no idea. Unlikely, maybe?” Yes, good sir, very unlikely! As for myself, I was luckily able to track down a member I for this ruling elite, whose name shall be withheld for personal reasons. I am very much indebted to this gentlemen, here forth referred to as Nietz.

The Xaverian Übermensch has roots going back to the founding of Xavier. Nietz stated that, “In 1963, three students who were fans of Peripateticism and Nihilism began an underground club known as the Xaverian Übermensch.” The word Übermensch is a German word coined by the late 19th century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche that refers to a man beyond all others in charisma and power, translating literally to “Over Man.” The club quickly grew as many of the intellectuals of Xavier joined the club. “Slowly but surely, we gained influence. As one of my personal favorite philosophers, Kirkgaarde, states, “Face the facts of what you are, for that is what changes what you are.”

The Übermensch began to even absorb teachers and faculty by 1972, and, by 1986, had taken up most of the school. “That’s where we made our fatal mistake.” According to Nietz, “We began to disagree over what Nietzsche meant when he said that, ‘Man is a polluted river.'” One faction, the Aquarians, stated that the meaning of this statement was that we are filled with vile substances that corrupt us. The other faction, the Fluidics, stated that this statement meant that the pollution is rather an apatheia of the intellect. “The Fluidics won out, as they used their superior psyches and found that their minds of sophism were of a higher quality.” The Fluidic philosophers found themselves now at the helm of the Übermensch and began their reign.

The Übermensch, after this split, still began to draw more followers from the school and the surrounding communities.
“Wesleyan even had an Übermensch at one point, but they rapidly fell into the illogical Aquarian philosophy and began to lose their intelligence.” Nietz informed me also of the school today. A few teachers and administration are actually bona fide Übermensch, and have brought this philosophy to their students. “I mean, to learn all about the world about you, I mean truly, is a grandiose paradigm! Many of my teachers in the Übermensch show me how to think about the world, and it seems as though they always know best. Is that not, however, common sense?”

I later asked Nietz why he found this club so appealing. After all, most of the reasoning he has made makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. After all, Peripateticism and Nihilism are completely at odds with one another. The passage the Aquarians and Fluidics disagree on is simply an unimportant quote from Thus Spoke Zarathustra! His quoting of Kirkgaarde makes absolutely no sense to the question asked. In fact, about half of his responses made the exact same point with different wording. Nietz responded to these inquisitions on my part by speaking about how his favorite author, Joseph Conrad, tried to make sense of a completely illogical world around him and could. I do not believe that is what Heart of Darkness or Lord Jim is about, so I am even more confused.

My view, as a reporter on the subject, is that this Übermensch is really nothing much at all. It seems simply to be a bunch of kids that just sit and throw big words that mean nothing at one another. This is not philosophy or intelligence! Philosophy, I have been told by a college professor, is about finding what is true in your mind. You cannot just follow some what some guy tells you, you must find it. You can use the great thinkers of the past, but do not simply believe everything they say is true. I mean, some thinkers were pretty skeezy. Rene Descartes, one of the most important philosophers of all time, used a method of proving God that required using God to prove it. The Übermensch, intelligentsia, or whatever you want to call it is truly a lot less than what it seems. Be smart, and, as a wise philosopher once said, “Blaze your own trail, as only you can discover yourself.”