The Plight of the SJ’s

By Dominick Delaney, 1510750651:32

The modern world is full of terror, darkness, and evil. These problems plague our land, ranging in horror. But one monster stands out above the rest. The walk from Saint Joseph’s Hall to the 200’s is so winding, so deadly, and so absurd, it may cause a student to be slightly late.

SJ4 is most definitely the worst to have a class in; the room is not only at the temperature of the Himalayas, its distance from the rest of the school makes it the actual Himalayas. Students have a 76.2% of encountering the Yeti there, or a bored student dressed as a Yeti, which is more common than one may expect. Besides this peril, there is always the constant danger of running into a teacher. Literally; students constantly risk their perfect conduct as they sprint to make their next class in time. However, encountering a wild teacher in the corridors may spell doom.

“Yeah, I got a detention for it,” says Ethan Cooke, freshman.

Mr. Cooke was heading to the opposite of the SJ’s: all the way to the other side of the school, there lies the 300’s. To continue the analogy of the SJ’s being the Himalayas, the 300’s are the Colorado Rockies.

This must be stopped. Unfortunately, it is not just Ethan. Across the school J.U.G.s have been given out for lateness. Students have been distracted from classes and out of breath. Minor annoyance is slowly destroying our education, and it is a result of the extra fifty feet from the SJ’s to the rest of the school.

Luckily, Ms. Keefe, local physical science and physics mentor has been working on different formulas for fixing our dilemma, and she may have stumbled upon it late last night. when the equation she used was leaked, many could not believe how simple it was. The answer? move the entire school into the SJ’s. Imagine the brotherly experience you could have if you were crammed into that hallway with more than two hundred other people. By giving each student one cubic inch of space, it may work. an extra subject of “neatness” will exist, making sure you take up the least amount of space possible. “If we could lower it to half a cubic inch each,” explained Ms. Keefe, “We could maybe have a junior class again.” Of course, she said that over the complaints of said juniors stacked on top of each other outside, with the top student’s head the only part visible.

Students still need a quick fix before that plan kicks in later this year. Suggestions for this include a walking stick, proper hiking experience, a teleportation device, and a helicopter. the SJ’s may be ridiculously far from the rest of the school, but the addition proves important to the appeal of Xavier. The appeal, obviously, is not for the science lab, but the physical activity of a ten mile walk.