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Post-Truth Epidemic Grips Nation

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Post-Truth Epidemic Grips Nation

By Alexander Pralea, Editor

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According to researchers at the CDC, the apocalypse that thousands of doomsday activists have foretold has finally materialized. The Post-Truth Epidemic is finally here, distorting all notions of normalcy and destroying the thread of American society.

The plague first manifested itself in its current form in 2016, but leading epidemiologists suspect that it had taken hold of the nation long before. Starting in the early 2000s, notable cases of related strains began inflicting millions of Americans. An early strain, distinguished by the willingness of those afflicted to believe in conspiracy theories pertaining to the cause of 9/11, swept the nation in 2001, while a later, more virulent and widespread outbreak characterized by the irrational belief in birtherism occurred in 2008. Each time the breakouts seemed to dissipate after spreading like wildfires through certain communities, but scientists have since concluded that, instead of disappearing, they mutated into far more pernicious strains that lay dormant for several years before metastasizing.

By collaborating with physicians, statisticians have since been able to correlate a broad array of emotions to outbreaks of the heart-breaking disease. In particular, physicians have noticed that people with truth aches tend to have underlying, subconscious fears about a rapidly changing and diversifying nation that they believe is increasingly becoming dominated by technocrats and an aloof elite. Those who are in an environment that predisposes the spread of Pants-On-Fire Syndrome and do not seek immediate treatment inevitably develop the Post-Truth Disease (PTD), for which efficacious treatments have not been found. The disease’s Flat-out-False (FAF) prions have proven unresponsive to a cocktail of mistruth inhibitors, enabling the formation of delusory plaques that destroy synapses and nerve axons. Rather than reverse the path of the disease, fact-based mistruth inhibitors, which work, in theory, by stopping the action of mistruth, an enzyme that breaks down the neurotransmitter truth, have paradoxically made sufferers’ symptoms worsen. Though further research is needed to confirm their studies, many key scientists suspect that the plaques first target the amygdala, relinquishing control of one’s emotions, and later take control of the prefrontal cortex, preventing one’s ordinarily efficient sense of executive function from recognizing lies.

The prognosis continues to grow dimmer as more people in other countries fall victim. In Russia, dezinformatsiya, as the disease is known there, has become a facet of life, as prominent figures, especially the omni-mendicant president, have grown oblivious to fallacies. The disease has touched so many people that they are now the vector of blatant falsehoods as well. In the United Kingdom, the disease, which first reared its ugly face in 2016, has caused a regression in overall arithmetic skills of British adults, who, when seeking treatment, have listened to ill-educated quack doctors instead of trained medical professionals.

The decision Americans must make, before it is too late, is whether they are willing to devote public health efforts toward eradicating this blight or whether they will be complicit in its ravage of all they hold dear.

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Post-Truth Epidemic Grips Nation