Welcome back to The Kestrel, where we have some news on the “Turkey Pardoning.”

I decided to take a trip down to old, rustic, San Fransico, California for the yearly turkey pardoning.

There was quite a crowd, so it took me about three hours and two cups of coffee to get through. Little did I know, I was in for an a-maze-ing surprise. I had the opportunity to talk to some of the candidates and see what they thought about this exciting opportunity.

“Well, I never really thought I would be able to attend because I had to take care of my family,” said one of the candidates, “but recently, a truck picked them up, and I haven’t seen them since, so I thought- hey, why not? Maybe this attention will make them come home!”

I didn’t break the news to this poor turkey, but he will never see his family again, because they were pardoned in Florida, and are living their life on a sunny beach in Miami.

I decided to move on to another group of turkeys – it seemed to be a husband and his wife; I thought this was strange because there was a rule at this event; one turkey per family. Perhaps they made a bet at the dinner table as to who would be chosen, but I didn’t ask because that would invade their privacy. Instead, I drew the conclusion that if one of them wins, they both lose. It’s okay, though, I don’t believe turkey education is up to par.

After that, I decided to take a break from the interviewing to look at the event. With all the colors and music, it could be easily mistaken for a circus. I couldn’t resist learning more about this event, so I decided to interview the head “Pardoner.”

“Well, it took a lot of time and work to get this set up today,” he explained, “but it is worth it to see two little innocent turkeys get released.”

After that interview, I decided to get something to eat. I had seen a stand that sold giant turkey legs on the way in, so I went back and got one.

Then I had to wait… and wait… and wait…. And wait…. And wait…. And…..Okay, never mind.

After two long hours of waiting, the time had come: the pardoning.

The head pardoner was holding a large top hat, one a magician would wear, that was filled with paper. The name of every turkey in attendance was written on a piece of paper and dropped in for a “raffle.”

Turkeys everywhere were biting their feathers, knowing that they could possibly be THE ONE.

The head pardoner reached into his hat and pulled out two little strips of paper-

“Mr. & Mrs. Gobbleton!” yelled the head pardoner.

It was the husband and wife from before… how????

It turned out that I had read the sign wrong – it said that no more than 2 turkeys from the same family could be pardoned… which means, for our purposes, there is no limit.

And just like that, the event was over, the Gobbletons were pardoned and their chains…. I mean THEY….were released into the woods.

After all of this, I realized I wasted my day.

Thanks for tuning into the Kestrel. Have a happy Thanksgiving!